I stink

My morning routine varies very rarely. Both my alarms go off at 7.25am. I hit the snooze button for ten minutes and lie in my pit feeling sorry for myself until 7.35am, at which point I jump out of bed, rush to the shower, wash, brush my teeth, apply some anti-perspirant and moisturise (this is an important thing for men of a certain age to always remember to do – those wrinkles don’t fully disappear even when my face is at rest any more). At 7.50 I leave the house and take a brisk walk to my bus-stop. I arrive at the stop at 8.10 and five minutes later we depart – with me saying an inner prayer that Beyonce’s mum won’t take agin me en route to work today.

Breakfast is to be consumed at work – a slice of toasted batch bread and a boiled egg, washed down with a mug of tea.

Today the routine faced obstacles – namely my laziness. I hit the snooze button for an extra 20 minutes – I calculate that I could still make the 8.30 bus if I stayed in bed until 7.55am. And this cunning plan all seemed to be going swimmingly as I made my way to the bus-stop. Until I reached Marlborough Street and I realised that I had left my work laptop at home. In mid stride, I turned on my heel, and immediately tripped over my untied shoelace (I hadn’t noticed it) and I ate footpath. I was not hurt but massively embarrassed. A rather hot gentleman passing by, asked me if I was OK.

It’s hard to maintain an air of dignity while simultaneously being both debonair and dashing in front of someone as you are hauling your carcass into an upright position after tripping over. I mumbled yes and sprinted home to fetch my laptop. I sprinted back to the bus-stop and managed to jump onto the 8.45 bus just as it was pulling away. An unplanned 25 minute sprint left me with a great big tomato head with flop-sweat streaming down my forehead. I wasn’t massively breathless – quitting smoking is to thank for that. The great big sweat patches under my arm are matching so I can pretend (to myself) that they are part of the pattern of my shirt.

It’s important to attempt to see the benefit in every situation. I was at my desk at 9.25. This means that I now have proof that I can be at work on time if I get up at 8.10. This is useful to know for the future.

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